Over the past few years, I have written about security and safety for the family, especially when it comes to protecting your kids from online predators and social bullies. My wife and I really try to practice what we preach. But as social networks and sharing services evolve, sometimes it is hard to keep up with the latest and greatest cool thing, or social threat.
For example, when our oldest daughter got on Facebook, we knew that it was too early to let her just go at it on her own. So we allowed her to use it with some conditions specifically:
- we have full access to her phone,
- we control her Facebook login and,
- if she has any questions, that she come to us to ask.
We work with her regularly, making sure that she understands why she can or cannot respond to posts/messages and what photos are appropriate to upload and which are not. Kids simply do not know what dangers are out there and what kind of creepy people lurk on these new social hangouts.
Sometimes we can’t keep up with everything. And in fact, this past weekend, my middle daughter and some of her friends encountered one of those situations that my wife and I have been fearing.
Use this article as a word of warning. I’m going to talk about a specific example. But this type of thing could happen without these particular specifics. It could be a different social network. And it could be YOUR kids.
***Update: Be sure to read my latest article on the dangers of Ask.fm!***
***Update #2: See my Social Media Guide for Parents published on 9/27/14***
Here’s what happened. In this case, there were two social networks/messaging services involved: the famous Instagram and Kik Messenger. You may have heard of Kik actually. It received a lot of press a few years ago because RIM (Blackberry) banned them from their app store. There are a few sides to that story, some people said that RIM was worried about competition to their own BBM (Blackberry Messenger). While other people say it had to do with privacy concerns around how Kik accesses one’s address book and then culls through to see if there are other Kik members in there. I don’t have the details and I personally haven’t installed the application because I value my contacts.
There are all sorts of users on Instagram and many are producing lots of amazing photos. My middle daughter was having a great time posting pictures of our dog and things around the house. Occasionally she posted pictures of herself. She had school friends who were also doing it and they were sharing photos back and forth. Also, they started getting some new followers as part of some small contests or similar interests. It seemed pretty safe and innocent. But as I recently outlined in an article about safely gaming online, sometimes things are not as innocent as they seem. As I mentioned, that butterfly and rainbow unicorn could be a sexual deviant or pervert.
Anyway, back to why Instagram and Kik are related. If you look at some of the comments on some pictures in Instagram, you will see some that say “Kik me at” or “my Kik name is”. So, what is going on here is that these people are using Kik Messenger to have online chats. Comments on Instagram are public, the chats on Kik are not. This is where the danger lies. Actually there are a few places that parents should be concerned.
Here is what happened…someone on Instagram contacted one of my daughter’s friends to connect on Kik. And once they were over on Kik messenger and chatting, this “stranger” asked to see this child’s privates. (Disclaimer: I don’t have all of the exact details, but what I have accounted for in this article is my understanding of the situation. I also performed my own rudimentary investigation.)
Just pause and think about that for a minute. From innocently posting photos to being solicited by a pedophile.
When I learned about this, the first thing that I did was look through Kik. Most of the connections that my daughter had were her local friends. A couple were friends she had made via Instagram. I made her end her conversations with kids we didn’t know. Then we had her delete pictures of herself on Instagram and clean out who is following her. That night, I spent some more time exploring her Kik app. I saw a message from one of her friends saying something like “don’t search for the user ‘Instagram’ on Kik…it’s gross”. Of course, I had to check it out to understand. When I searched for “Instagram” on Kik, it showed a user called “So Horney” or “Very Horney” or something like that, and the user’s picture was that of a man’s genitals. Having seen that and having reviewed the lack of privacy and having read more about Kik, I talked to my daughter about deleting the app immediately. A few days later, when I checked my daughter’s phone, the Kik app was gone (my daughter later told me that she deleted it herself). You can see this is an odd and potentially dangerous relationship between Kik and Instagram and how someone make it instantly perverted.
That is shocking. I was scared. I was scared for my kids. And I was scared for other families who don’t take an active role in protecting their children from the dangers online.
Please, if you are parents, take an active role in the online activities of your children. Show them that you care for them and love them by getting involved.
Here are some online safety tips that parents should think about:
- Privacy on Instagram – while Instagram has some privacy settings, there aren’t that many. You can block users and you can make your pictures/account private. They don’t seem to enforce a 13 and over age group when signing up. So, be sure that you set your child’s profile to “private” meaning that only people who are allowed can see photos that are posted.
- Only allow followers that you know – this is true with any social media service. I have made a rule with my kids that they can only allow people that they know to follow them on Instagram. It’s a bit more difficult if the profile is public.
- Do NOT allow Kik – It is private, it is un-regulated, it does not have privacy controls or parental controls. From what I can tell on it, having played with it on my kid’s iPhone (prior to me deleting it), is that it merely accesses your contacts and allows you to know who of your contacts are using it as well. You can block users but there is no auditing of accounts nor linking to other social network profiles (which might actually be a better way to ensure the authenticity of a user).
- Censor the photos – I recommend not letting your child post pictures of themselves. Try to restricts posts to pets or objects or non-identifiable items. When photos of kids are posted, you are potentially exposing kids to strangers peeping into their lives.
- Turn off Location/Geo-tagging of photos – it’s better to be safe than sorry. Most smartphones now tag each photo with geo-location data. While cool to see where photos are taken, many times the uploaded photos still contain that geo-specific information. Turn that feature off!
Remember, the best thing is to have an open relationship with your children when it comes to social networking. Don’t impose too many restrictions but also don’t completely let them do whatever they want. Have on-going discussions. Explain why you are doing what you do. Show them how scary it can be. While your kids may complain, deep down inside, they know that you are doing it out of love.
HTD says: Social media can be fun, but if you don’t know how you can protect your children, it can be very dangerous.
279 comments
Ellie Bee
Kik has private and public chatting, guess what so does Facebook, but Facebook does not bother about criminal activities going on using it either because Facebook makes money from it
Best way to keep kids safe from the internet is DONT let them online without direct supervision where as an adult you can see everything as it’s happening because kids delete stuff they don’t want their parents seeing
It’s the internet and you can’t stop idiots and criminals from using it so NOTHING is safe for kids online
John Brown
Thank you for sharing this article. Since I don’t use Instagram, I wasn’t aware of how it worked. Now that I know a bit more, it won’t be in our home. It’s much easier to not get started with it, than to try to shut it down. There’s so much out there that he’ll have to battle, he doesn’t need to invite it into his life with Instagram.
I used http://www.insteye.com to monitor my kids. We have not given in but I have to monitor their “kid group” social media groups so we have all the needed info. Drives me crazy! My children are young, my oldest almost 13y .
Olivia
This article is too over protective and dramatic. I understand that u want to protect your children and are doing it out of love but i think you will find your child(ren) probably just need a little bit of space. STRICT PARENTS CREATE SNEAKY KIDS! I would know this because i am one of those kids myself. I understand that u are only trying to be a good parent but your daughter is going to become very sneaky when she gets older if you are not careful is going to do alot worse if she cant learn from her own mistakes. I hope you understand that i am only trying to help and i have a lot of knowledge on this because my parents were strict and they produced a VERY sneaky teen. THIS IS JUST A WARNING!
Bert
Olivia, who is a strict parent? What is a strict parent? Should parents ever be strict? When should they be strict? What levels of strictness, if any, are appropriate at what age? What is the spectrum of “strictness” in terms of what topic? I ask these things because it is true that parents can at times be too strict. It is also true that parents can at times be not strict enough. Do you know any kids who’s parents have not been strict enough? What are they like? What dangers have they experienced because their parents weren’t there to be strict in limiting their exposure to something? What has happened to them and how did the lack of attention, strictness (love?) affect their ability to live a healthy life? Dramatic things can and do happen to children who are neglected by their parents, who are not at times restrained for their good. Think of toddlers running into a street for starts then go on up to teenagers “running” into social media “streets,” where predators lurk and predators are made (and teenage boys are very easily tempted to engage in the arts of predators – beware, men are made that way). You may think you’ve mastered the discipline needed for restraining yourself from behaviors that are not good, healthy, or right, for yourself and for others, but as an adult I can tell you one never completely masters one’s self, which means vigilance is always needed. Unfortunately, that is the way this world is. Adults tend to know this better than kids and teenagers and, if they care, they will be driven to keep their kids as safe as they can. The best amongst them will do this with lots of talk and actions that will help their kids develop a clear eyed picture of the dangers “out there,” and also of their own susceptibility to entertain and engage in those dangers, as both victim and perpetrator. And when they leave the home they will hopefully not have experienced a life altering really bad situation happening to them and/or done a really bad thing to someone else, but rather developed the sober maturity to understand the world and the weaknesses that we all have in us that we must assign limitations around so that we don’t hurt ourselves or others. Good luck and here’s hoping you’ve got parents who are loving enough to be strict enough with you. Listen to them, be charitable with them, and know they would gladly lay down their lives for you to keep you safe. But know also they want you to be free, as free as one can be in a world filled with lots of people who don’t want you to be free, but rather enslaved to serving their desires.
PS: My Mom was strict in her way but I found out how to get around her knowing what I was up to pretty easily. Honestly, she had no clue what I was up to most of the time (I wish my Dad had been around – real, good men know about the dangers outside us and within us). Looking back now, my friends and I are amazed, really, that we survived our teenage years; we really made our guardian angels work hard! And in hindsight I am ashamed of many things I did in those secret places where my Mom could not see, particularly in those things that involved using others for my pleasure, and that was way before the internet and the many social media opportunities for pursuing “self satisfaction.” And while I can remember chaffing against the controls of my Mom and indeed, thinking her controls were “making me sneaky,” I now know she didn’t make me sneaky; the sneakiness was in me all along, ready and waiting to be used when I needed it do whatever the hell I wanted to do. Beware your sneakiness. No one can make you sneaky. And if you really look at it closely, behind your sneakiness is someone who wants to use you for their pleasure. Be vigilant with eyes wide open. You’ll be best equipped to protect not only yourself and but to protect others from you. Fare Thee Well.
Focus3d
I don’t have kids yet and probably won’t for another 5-10 years. But it’s things like Instagram and Kik (especially Kik) that are just awful. Facebook has some privacy options that are very useful and actually work. However, like you said, Instagram and Kik do not enforce privacy well or at all. I work with a 17 year old boy who uses Kik and is always telling me about the things he gets for pictures be it graphic blood and gore (and I’m talking things you’d never see even on adult channels or movies or content with an Adult Only rating). He’s even talked about receiving pictures and even video from girls who are between the ages of 14 to 18 of their privates and more. He’s also talked about even worse things a kid his age should not be exposed to ever in life because it can mentally destroy a person and he’s even showing signs of sociopathic and psychopathic behavior towards women and men alike. I am currently talking with local police on how to handle this young man who is very disturbed. My point was to say the Internet can be a terrible and horrific place (which is weird coming from me, a 21 year old technology junkie). Loved the article.
Ella5471
This artical is a bit overblown. Children REQUIRE privacy at a certain age (preteen to teen) to develop properly. If you constantly search their phone it will make them want to activly rebell against you. Just give the kid some info on how to be safe online (they likely know more than you already) and if you hear about something particularly bad then let them know as they will most likely want to avoid the same things you want them to. A lack of privacy for a teen or preteen can actually cause them to developed severe anxiety, I see it happen all of the time. In fact I know someone who ended up with full blown scitzophrenia from the way there parents treated them.
Brittney
I completely agree with your logic. Coming from a 15 year old child who is one of the only people in her grade who doesn’t have social media, it is a struggle. People constantly say that social media causes bullying and a divide between children, but it’s just as hard for me when I’m left out of the conversation about what happened we on Instagram or kik. People also say “Why don’t you have social media?” in an insulted voice, or “That’s really lame!” I have tried to explain to my parents that I will be responsible, and that they can teach me and monitor what I do, but my mother refuses to look from my point of view. She always says to me that she has looked up articles just like this one, that pushes her opinion even more that I can not have social media. But what bothers me the most is that not once has she looked up a positive article on social media, or has hear any comments from a child’s point of view who is experienced in these fields unlike her. Similar to what you have experienced with certain children, I am going through the same thing. I have even made an Instagram off of my computer and erased my history so they couldn’t see out of anger and being upset. I want to have a snapchat very badly but I know they will see if I download it on my phone. But I have gotten some social media apps that my parents don’t know about just to have a little taste. I would have never done that, being the good child that I see myself as being. I have straight As, I work very hard at what I set my goals and standards to be, and I love my family. But from their rebellion against something that I want so badly, I felt as if I had to go behind their backs. As well as I want to do it because I want to get back at them, and I am very disappotioned that they make me feel this way. I think that parents need to let children have their own voice, as we have the same rights as adults. I completely understand that our parents are looking out for us, and trying to keep us safe, but if you really feel that you have taught your children while, let them prove it to you.
Mike Dowell
So how do you block KIK at the router without blocking the entire ipod message system? I’ve read to block ports 5222:5223 but that also disables many other services. What’s your workaround?
hightechdad
You have to do more than simply block a port (and ports are shared by other services as you found). Also, while you block something via a web URL (or even the DNS server), it probably won’t stop the iOS app. Here are a couple of links of things you can read: https://community.spiceworks.com/topic/440661-blocking-snapchat-on-our-firewall
Talks about deleting the app and then putting up Parental Restriction (as well as blocking): http://www.examiner.com/article/block-and-restrict-an-iphone-app-snapchat
hightechdad
You have to do more than simply block a port (and ports are shared by other services as you found). Also, while you block something via a web URL (or even the DNS server), it probably won’t stop the iOS app. Here are a couple of links of things you can read: https://community.spiceworks.com/topic/440661-blocking-snapchat-on-our-firewall
Talks about deleting the app and then putting up Parental Restriction (as well as blocking): http://www.examiner.com/article/block-and-restrict-an-iphone-app-snapchat
ProgressiveLibertarian
Holy shit people, Kik is just like AIM but on mobile. I chat with my wife and friends on it. Such scary stuff!
Country Girl
Your ignorance is overwhelming, with a username as yours, it explains A LOT, as for myself I will do whatever it takes to keep my children safe from the cyber world, my kids appreciate the fact that my husband and I want to keep them safe from the predators online.
max nuiderey
WTF is this? One more Website for “helicopter Parents”???!?! wow this is making me sad… why don’t you let your children explore the internet on their own?
The_kids_will_learn
Chatting with strangers on the internet does nothing for social skill development, nothing. Actually, it prevents teenagers from forming legitimate social circles at school where interactions happen face-to-face. Abstaining from public social sites will NOT make your child antisocial, instead it will motivate them to get out of the house and meet people in person. You are NOT depriving your child from meaningful social experience.
But, I think the adults understand that.
I’m a young guy and I pissed around in cyberspace for most of my early teens and I regret it because it stunted my social growth, I had a lot of catching up to do. Thanks my lucky stars I still had a core group of friends who taught me how to hold myself in different social situations, and yes that includes parties. Coincidence or not, the most popular kids in high school rarely use social chat apps/sites because they have enough friends their own age that their SMS is blowing up all the time. The cold hard truth is that gullible little girls use these sites for validation, and celibate men in their late teens to forties use them because they can’t get a date (and in a way need their own validation, otherwise they would just porn). These guys are not necessarily ugly they could actually be very attractive, they just don’t know how to close in person and with people their own age ;) lol. That’s all it amounts up to. All the in-between really isn’t the meat and potatoes of these sites, and irrelevant to this conversation.
To the kids out there, NO you are not too mature for the kids at your school. Be pleasant and approachable, smile, and look at people when you talk to them and you would be surprised by how many people you connect with. Then you won’t feel so lonely at night that you need to sext to a 29 year old in west Virginia.
Ella5471
I dissagree I have been online most of my life as a child and if anything it has helped me socially in real life. I have aspbergers, A social dissorder, and before I was activly online I had enormous difficulty understanding emotion, social interaction, or even the need for friends. Eventually when I did get online It gave me the practice I needed to learn how to interact with people propperly.
Brittney
You are truthfully inspirational
Eridan Ampora
its called the block button
people know how to use it
Kamran
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CJ
This is a strange phenomenon. If I ever have kids, I don’t know how I’ll feel. Growing up, I had complete unfiltered access to the computer. The internet and computers were different back in the early 90’s, but I don’t see what negative outcome can result from not cencoring your child’s internet use.
jeet
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Cassy
Okay honestly i’m 14 and we are not all like that i mean we know how dangerous it is but we also know about everything you just explained up there. My Mum just went through my ipod last night and im pretty sure that i am screwed with a capital S. yes we swear and yes we talk about some harsh stuff but if you want your kid to get through highschool your gonna have to ease up on the strict o ma gaud the internet is a death wish thing. seriously aslong as ur kid knows what shes doing she can educate herself btw she will be fine. My parents dont realise and you probably dont realise that this generation is ALOT different from what your generation was back then i mean its the 21st century WE ARE GROWING UP, and as she gets older if you keep doing what ur doin now she will go behind your back almost ceratainly becus thats what i have to do.if you do this she will have the hardest time fitting in trust me ive witnessed it first hand! just ease up as she gets older kik and insatgram really arent that dangerous as long as you know what your doing.
LE MOM
I just came across this blog and I realize I am a little late, but I just wanted to throw my two cents in. I work as an investigator for a Crimes Against Children Unit. I am not on Kik, but I do know it quite well from a professional stanpoint. One thing I do know is we have NUMEROUS cases of Online Solicitation of a Minor that stem from this app. This app seems to be a playground for adults soliciting children (both males and females) for nude pictures/sex. That alone leaves me to not allow this app in my home. Thanks HTD for putting some of the dangers out there.
Country Girl
Thanks so much for your input, greatly appreciated!!!
Rosie????
I’m 14 and I’m only allowed to have kik and snapchat. Kik is safe, unless you attract the predators by doing something other than talking to the people in your contacts. Your daughter and/or friend(s) were doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing if something bad happened on kik. You need to let your child breathe, you’re smothering her. You have to let her make her own mistakes and you can’t protect her from the outside world forever.
Christine
GET A GRIP! Not all 13 year olds have enough sense to back away!!!!! Do you want your kids breasts , behind and genitals spread all across the internet?? Do you realize this will come back to bite them and haunt them later on??? Do you realize how many kids have self esteem issues? How many of these kids have the will to say no? Take it from me, It happened to my daughter “because I gave her space”,and trusted that she would do the right thing. It was a 3 day a week convo about being careful. I can not believe how many of you actually think they need to be doing this crap!!! Don’t get sucked in …KIK was a hook up site before the kids started using it. CHILD PREDATORS HIDEAWAY!!!!! The bottom line is, they don’t think about the consequences. Immediate gratification and approval. Don’t even let them engage! The damage can not be repaired for what they presume was a small mistake.
James443
Anyone under 16 has NO BUSINESS engaging in social media, chats, messaging, texting, cell phones, smartphones. etc. If you think that is old fashioned, tough because it worked for ten thousand years to keep kids out of trouble. Now unrestricted, unmonitored communications are THE REASON kids get into trouble with other kids. Parents should strongly dissuade kids from these things until they are about driving age (they will be leaving the house anyway) and instill good values. If you don’t their friends will be their teachers. Peer pressure and weak parenting on the part of other kids should not be the reason you say “its okay everybody is doing it and my kid will fee left out”…etc. Also, kids need to be taught about privacy and the real loss of it by using applications that scarf their data and the data of their contacts. It is a shame that I have to tell everyone that takes my picture to please not post it online with my name attached but I do. These are just a few things to worry about for kids out there.
Country Girl
I Totally Agree with you, common sense isn’t so common anymore!!!!
Casey
First off if she is ten don’t let her have one, 2 off she should know right from wrong, if they do that just block them its that smplie, 3 off have her Instagram private!
Hannah
Kik is completely fine.. There are pedophiles, and lots of perverts, but you can block them. When anyone messages me anything dirty, I immediatly block them. If they make another account and do it again, I contact kik. Instagram.. I dont have it, I don’t really see what’s so cool about it :/ oh, and usually if I’m becoming pretty good friends with someone on kik, I skype them. I like to know if they’re who they say they are :3
Guest
This is what happened in my house when I find out that my daughter loaded kik on her phone after I told her twice to keep it off.
I get it.
I realize this article is a couple years old, but I would like to join in and be completely frank with each of you and with anyone who may read this in the future. I’m meaning that I will be 100% here, anonymously, since I haven’t been with friends and family about my usage of the internet.
First off, I am a 22 year old female. I have been using the internet since I was maybe 6 or 7. Once we got something more reliable than dial-up, I discovered neopets.com. I was probably 9-12 years old, and it was THE most exciting thing I had ever discovered. I had plenty of friends at school, many social activities to do… played sports, didn’t have a cell phone, went swimming, was in choir, was outside constantly…
And then I’d come home and get on Neopets.
They had a long list of chat forums with different genres, like chats about games, different pets, items to use in games, help questions, newbies, etc. Of course, whenever you have a social media site of any kind, it gets turned from the CREATORS’ website into the USERS’ preferred website. That is, we use and abuse each and every social system and make it into what we want it to be.
I was a young child pretending to be 16 to talk to other cool “16 year olds”. I flirted and made tons of friends and got in relationships and eventually, once I got a phone, transmitted some of those people to text or IM services.
I gave out personal information to complete strangers before I turned 13.
I encountered some of the creepiest, weirdest, ugliest, most horrible people on the internet.
I also found my best friend to this date from a chat site I found at 17 years of age.
But to get there, I lied, had fake photos (before anyone knew what cat fishing was, I was being a cuter version of myself to get attention) and I didn’t even need it. I had PLENTY of friends and social interaction.
My mother tried to monitor me. She knew about neopets but didn’t know the amount of chatting I did. It was so exhilarating to get that little email notification and click on it to see who was talking to me. For kids, social media is the exact same as going to a park and finding a plethora of kids to play with that you’ve never met.
It is a place to explore, to learn, to grow, to discover ourselves.
It is freaking dangerous, just like that playground is.
We all have insecurities and want to be accepted by the masses.
What kids or teenagers mean these days when they say they “grow up” with the internet instead of growing INTO the internet like adults, is that adults past my generation did not grow up with two sets of ways to interact. For me, talking online is 100% as natural as meeting someone at that playground. Talking online to new people feels just like talking to your best real-life friend.
For people who didn’t grow up with that, they don’t quite understand the necessity and the need to discover online like we do.
I got myself into trouble, yes. I had a few fake photos and I lied about my age consistently. Once MySpace hit, I started being myself and added all my school friends to it. I still talked to people outside of people I knew on it, and even got into a stupid relationship that wasn’t very smart of me because of it.
But honestly, going through these mishaps and not understanding the dangers happens in every aspect of life. My mom warned me of dangers; we had deep talks and she made sure she could trust me. I went behind her back.
She made me give up MySpace and I was a whiny teenager who thought I knew better. She didn’t like the extra people I was talking to or the amount of time I spent on it. She HAD given me even more deep talks about nudes and sexual information, and I can honestly say that to this day I have not sent one nude picture of myself to any single person– not friends I know, or friends I do not know.
But I still went behind my parents’ backs because I was curious. I thought I could handle the internet. It was a constant thing becoming larger and larger in everyone’s lives and I could not miss out. I made a new MySpace and talked on it for a few years. It ended up being boring and not worth the hype (obviously) but my mom still doesn’t know I had it.
Then came Facebook. By this time, I had a phone with texts alerting me of notifications. I was one of the faster ones of my friends to get a “smart phone” that let me online, but to this day Facebook has been the most innocent of all websites. I have 94% of friends being people and family that I know personally, and the rest are band members or mutual friends or someone who seems to share the same interests as me so I added them.
But there are obvious dangers to the internet, just as there are in real life.
Your kids need to explore. If the one child was just 10, I can completely understand how you would want to get involved. But I swear to you, she will find ways around it regardless of your talks. I respected my mother and we were usually honest with each other. I came clean about the fake photos and some of the people I talked to late in high school. I told her how some people I spoke to had me wanting to be in relationships and talk dirty. Kids are going to do it.
I did it, my friends did it, and we grew from it. When I was that young girl, I became addicted to that extra attention. It is the same as being popular in school. You start speaking to people and then suddenly you want to fit in everywhere. I was a pretty upbeat, happy person, so I got along with a ton of people. Sometimes it helped me discover myself. Sometimes it was an escape from the hardships of life. Sometimes it got me in dangerous places I shouldn’t have been in.
But you cannot whip it away from your children.
Remember in middle and high school when older people said, “you won’t understand until you’re older”? Didn’t you HATE THAT? Didn’t you despise that? Didn’t you say ummm no, I am smart right now and I have it figured out right now and just because I am young doesn’t mean I am dumb?
This is how kids feel with the internet and with parents who constantly monitor their every single move.
You cannot stop your kids from making mistakes or doing wrong. It is an essential part of growing. You can teach them self worth and self value, which I feel my mom succeeded in since I keep my privates private and have given out personal info that can get me stalked only to people who I speak face to face to on Skype or something to make sure they’re real.
As I said, I am 22 now. I use kik, instagram, whatsapp, snapchat, vine. The list will continue to grow. However, I must admit that I would not be as careful and alert as I am now to internet predators and dangers if I didn’t discover them when I was younger. I learned what to say and what not to say. I learned the signs of speaking with a 50 year old pervert versus a real 24 year old man. Believe me, after literal years of doing so, you can tell regardless of the photos they have.
My point is this… Alert your children. Teach them to love themselves. Teach them to have self respect and to be honest with you. The only thing I seriously never came clean about was MySpace, and that was a personal decision since it led to nothing. I quit using it and realized it was dumb like my mom said it was. I have found the greatest solace and understanding from some people on the internet, and I am worried that parents will yank that option from their kids. It’s like yanking them from the park. Teach them, don’t control their every move. Your parents didn’t always know where you went in that fast car with your buddies. Your parents didn’t always know who’s house you were at, what concert, what movie, who you were seeing.
We literally view the internet as the same thing. And if you sneak and pry and try so hard to get involved, your kids will end up rebelling. I did, everyone else I knows did. I’m not saying don’t care or teach them. I’m saying they will do it anyway, have done it anyway, will continue to… and you need to let them make mistakes.
That doesn’t mean they should get stalked or send nudes. That means they should be able to experiment and grow a little.
I hope my long novel of frankness helped someone. I made mistakes, but I am still here and turned out just fine. I stopped with the photos and didn’t let creeps come meet me. I had some sense to me, despite lying about my age and such. We just want to be liked. If you take that away, your child or teenager will feel like you pulled them from their real friends. So just educate them and love and respect them learning about life.
hightechdad
It’s great to get feedback like this, raw and honest. Frankly, I think you should consider yourself quite lucky. At any point, a bad decision could have been devastating. While again I’m not an expert but for your story, there are probably a couple that didn’t end as well. I agree that it is about respect and care and plenty of education and guiding to hopefully choose the safest and healthy path.
ProgressiveLibertarian
I know there are many horror stories out there, but what she described is extremely common place. I’m a bit older than she at just over 30, but as the oldest of the millennials we were the first of the first to grow up with the Internet – I was on Prodigy back in the 2nd grade, lol.
I can remember doing things far stupider than the poster above described, and also how easy it is to circumvent parental restrictions (and the ubiquitous nature of the technology only makes that easier today). And from everything I’ve seen from people my own age and younger, that’s pretty much the norm.
Yes, the outcomes can potentially be very bad, but I guess when you say she is ‘lucky’ I’m a stickler for mathematical probability. Considering how common place the behavior is, the overall odds are heavily in favor of the ‘nothing bad happened’ outcome. Being part of the 98% that turned out fine is not being ‘lucky,’ no matter how bad the other 2% of cases might be. At the end of the day I’m fairly sure most kids are more likely to be hurt in a car accident than by the Internet.
I get it.
Right, of course sadly there are plenty of cases where internet usage went very wrong. When I said I put out information, I meant my cell number or email, but I never put my full name, address, or even state on my email and I gave out my number to probably 2-3 people at most after a good long time of talking. I never would have agreed to meet anyone. I know that people can be the most deceiving and stay under guises that trick even the most clever of us. My best friend that I found online has skyped with me face to face numerous times and we have talked to each other’s family members. We have each other on our facebooks so we know we are real. That is the only time I’ve given out so much information. I try to stay as safe as possible without going offline completely. But it did take years of learning. As long as kids know not to say things that can be googled or traced that way, they should be okay. And I like using apps that don’t have me use a phone number that people can see and trace. That is ONE positive. Thank you for your reply.
3301
Absolutely not, kik is one way I can inform my students of homework and assignments for class. It is helpful if used correctly, and parents should teach kids to be responsible to when it comes to adult material.
friendlyneighborhoodteenager
I’m a 17 year old male with both Kik and Instagram. Instagram has settings that you are able to set only allowing people that you know or accept to have the capability of viewing your things. I believe if your kids are putting their personal items up such as addresses or phone numbers and such then they are not as educated on the matter as they should be. Kik is basically an instant messaging app that is able to be downloaded on a smartphone. Before all the smart phones there was a website called A.I.M which was basically the same thing but it was a website rather than an app. I had one of these when I was younger and I was fine simply because i was told about the dangers and talked to my parents if something was odd or I was scared. Parents need to be careful because they want their kids to be able to come and talk to them if they are concerned. Its a matter of being careful and being aware of what is going on. My parents do not take my phone or read my texts, but they are fully aware that I am 100% willing to hand it over if they were to ask. Sorry kids, but all the privacy you think you deserve, it needs to be earned based on how you act and isn’t a given right. Your parents usually know what is right for you even if you don’t see it at this point in time. Parents, you have to have some faith in your children to make smart decisions and you must educate them or guide them in ways they may be confused about. Parents should have access to all of their children’s password to all accounts; however, this does not mean parents should be reading every conversation their kid has with their friends. There is a fine line between keeping your child safe and socially isolating them. I also believe there is an appropriate age for this. As your child gets older they should gain a little slack, given that they have been smart and behave accordingly. This is just my view and I realize some people may disagree. I’m just letting y’all know what has worked for me and my family, including my little sibling
Simeon
I dont give two fucks
Abbie
I know I’m probably late to this, but I do use kik. I protect myself, as I set the settigs so I don’t automatically add them to my contacts. I even have a fake name and picture since you could change both (I have a picture of a character of some show and the name of the character). I only add people who follow me on tumblr who I know personally
paul mcdonald
Saw how dangerous KIK could be last night. Someone had an instagram page with 12,000 followers – mostly girls, gymnasts, dancers, etc. Teens and tweens. Instagram feed says kik me and i’ll give you a shout out. My daughter asks for permission (she’s a very gifted ballet dancer, but 10) – and i said ok. The person _dancer_86_ starts to chat with my daughter – asking her to see how flexible she is (weird, but not unusual). Then requests came in for wardrobe changes….then removing clothes….! OK – we’re done. My wife and I had to explain that this person on Kik and Instagram is NOT a 12 year old girl…but a perv who should be locked up in jail. Alias names are Inspired Dancer @dancer_86 on Instagram and #dancer_86 on enjoy gram. This person needs to be investigated.
hightechdad
Thank you Paul for sharing this experience. These type of users continue to get creative. They pretend to be part of the community by doing various things as you mentioned to build trust. You should contact your local police so that there is a record. The more people who do that, the better.
tracy
I have just removed kik and instagram from my daughters tablet, the kik thingy was showing pornographic pictures and chat , this is meant to be 17+? she is 12 , my daughter has FB BUT it is monitored daily by myself or her 19 year old sister including messages
Banna271
I’m 16, I’ve had kik for 4 years. Out of those 4 years I’ve encountered maybe 20 people who ask or asked for pictures. The only reason, because I put it on instagram or tried playing kik games with others. To me kik is a place where I talk to my friends, my best friend I’ve know for 14 years or my “significant other”. The only way kik is bad is if you give out your username. And now they have updated the interface to provide better security so that you only get messages from your contacts. So kik is in no way “dangerous”. If you have to tell your kids that it’s dangerous and are protecting them from everything how do you expect them to do in the real world? They need to learn some stuff on their own. Maybe getting in trouble with the cops will set them straight.
LydiasDad
Is anyone aware of any groups or individuals that visit schools to talk to parents about the dangers of these kinds of technologies? Most parents are absolutely clueless, and I want to educate them, but I don’t have all the information yet myself.
hightechdad
I would start by asking the school administration. While they may not have all of the current information, they are a good place to start and frequently when you bring in third parties to speak at a school, they have to be vetted by the school first. There are plenty of organizations that can talk about it, including corporations that sell antivirus, parenting control or internet security software.
20 year old
You parents are completely out of touch with how kids are. You’re underestimating them . Do you really think that just because you give them a little a talk and you control their gadgets that they are not going behind your back ? Stop being so naive. They will ALL have at least one friend with unlimited access to Internet and app downloads. Kids always think they know better and that they are invincible. What you are doing is teaching them to become more secretive, cunning and manipulative…You have to accept the fact that they are going to use these apps anyway. You have to choose whether they use them under your house where it will be safer or in the unmonitored outside world with their little friends.
Karl Grosvenor
Just don’t let teenagers have smart phones and control what they see on a computer that’s the easy way around this problem.
ProgressiveLibertarian
And said teenager couldn’t just buy or trade with a friend for an old device and use these apps over WiFi, no cell plan needed? It’s not like old smartphones are just lying around all over the place, right? Not like you could find one for like $10 or anything….
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Samsung-M840-Galaxy-Prevail-2-Boost-Mobile-Phone-bad-ESN-read-fully-/201572176240?hash=item2eeea35170:g:VLMAAOSwZAtXI9c~
Michelle
I don’t understand why you “adults” are saying things that basically boil down to “children are naive and stupid; they have no sense of responsibility with electronics”. Maybe you were like that when you were a child, but not all children are like that now. Granted, there are some children who can’t be trusted with electronics, but it is not fair to be stereotypical and say all children are like that. There are some children that might be able to handle stalker or pedophile situations better than you could.
But, if you think children aren’t responsible or mature, be an good example! Don’t just post rants and profanity on a site devoted to internet safety. Use some restraint; stereotypical, angry, or comments with “bad language” have no place on this site. I’m 13 years old, and, no offense, I sound more mature than some of you.
bob
Why not just turn on restrictions on her iPhone and lock down add/delete apps and in-app purchases? While you are at it, lock down ratings fro movies, tv, apps and music to her age range. It’s YOUR phone, you are just letting her use it…
nanny
i think all parents of children and teens should read the dangers of this if they don’t pay attention to what their kids are doing on social media sites.
GeorgeR75
i am looking for a way to lock kik out of my router – does anyone knows the ip they use?
http://mariposafire.com
Lauren
Establish truth and trust with your children especially the girls, sheltering them and censoring them leads rebellion. I speak from experience and from witnessing it happen all around me in my upper-middle class sheltered white neighborhood. Your girls have brains and can use them to make logical decision about safety , so show them how (if they don’t already know) to be safe with social media, don’t patronize them or they won’t listen. ALSO Fathers! Teach your sons how to be safe on the internet and how to respect women online and in person. This isn’t a one way thing, girls shouldn’t have to be taught internet safety against assailants like they are helpless victims of uncontrollable “typical” male behavior. Both parties should be taught safety and respect for themselves and others. And never suppress, restrict, or try to limit adolescents, they don’t take it very well to it. And after a while, smoking that bowl your friends were talking about seems pretty appealing to escape from a negative environment of endless nagging and “check-in’s” that an un-trusting parent provides.
ruzyho
Im a 16yo guy and thank god you not my dad lol but ive seen the forums where these pedos discuss how to do these things and give whole guides on it so i like to believe i can spot a fake when i see one but i just comes down to not being stupid
JodiRockk
Depending on how old your kids are I think Kik is the safest way to converse with a stranger, you don’t have to give out your actual number to text (which can easily be traced back to an address if you’re REALLY tech. savvyy) and you can easily delete and block anyone that crosses any kind of line. Keep your Instagram private to only people you allow and that makes for a safer experience
Victoria
Kik is great app if you know how to use it, and btw it’s not just pedifiles asking for nudes, it could be the boy at school or right next door so dont be so nieve. Also you should really chill with the lack of privacy, that leads to sneakiness and deciet! Over protective parents he most cunning children. I mean whats the point of an instagram without pictures of yourself. Your intentions are good but it’s alittle much….you cant shelter your kids from the real world, they’ll resent you for it later
Ali
I agree with a lot of the other comments here that say this is being overprotective. If you teach your kids not to be retards, kik and instagram won’t be a problem. Searching through their messages is way out of bounds.
Hendbdiv
Just don’t let your child on if you don’t want them to. There’s no need to be that guy and ruin it for everyone. It’s not bad as long as you stay where you should be. Now my parents won’t let me have either and I’m smart enough to know not to do bad stuff anyway.
winston
I also am fourteen and to me to be honest you yourself really dont sound amazingly in tune with what your daughter does. Agreed there are incredibly creepy people on both kik and instagram and facebook and everywhere on the internet.
That being said talking to your daughter warning her of the risks and telling her to come to you if things start going badly seems to be the best course of action. If you are level headed and logical social networks are safe but I think you hanging over you daughters shoulder and trying to watch everything she does online is plain creepy. Watching your daughtera facebook and looking through her kik really does not seem appropriate behavious. Yes shes your daughter and obviously you dont want her to get hurt but all she needs is common sense and the freedom to live her life and yes make her own mistakes in life I dont think intrusive parenting is the way forward. I think your promotion of parent intrusion is driven by the right reasons but to be honest leave her to get on with her life just make sure your there when somethings goes wrongs.
Joey d
You know what else is dangerous?Going outside. Maybe we should not let our kids go anywhere for fear of strangers. Although I want to protect my kids as much, keeping them under lock down is simply too much.
Camille. Not Ginger.
Look, I’m 18 and while I don’t disagree with your parenting, I do feel as though your child will probably end up using all this stuff secretly. I know because I did it for years (but don’t worry, I didn’t run into any trouble), all because my dad was so overprotective. You have to admit that just going into her messages and being able to log into her facebook account is kind of a violation of privacy.
I truly believe that judgement is a skill that you learn with experience, and you need to give your daughter the opportunity to cultivate hers. Give her the resources to let her decide if she should use kik, how she uses instagram etc instead of just doing it for her.
But that’s just my opinion,
John
If you keep being strict like this she’s just gonna find another way and she won’t tell you. It’s better to b involved but less strict so she knows she can come to u
John
If you keep being strict like this she’s just gonna find another way and she won’t tell you. It’s better to b involved but less strict so she knows she can come to u
Lori
Your daughter must hate you. No offense, I see how you’re caring and all, but you’re being WAY too overprotective here, If she’s under 13, I’m sorry for the accusation, you really are a great parent. If she’s older than that, she can handle herself. You’re screwing her up early on if you try to “protect” her from everything. Instagram feels like a gray area, but even Facebook? I know someone whose parents were like that, it made her so much more willing to put herself into “danger” later, because her parents were so overprotective (not as overprotective as you, though). She WILL sneak out, she WILL hate you. Your job is to be a good parent, to be there for her. Don’t stop her from doing every little thing, or the big things will come. Give your daughter a little credit, she won’t be sending nudes to some stranger anytime soon. If she really is a complete -sorry for the strong language, that’s my warning right now- idiot or slut, (I’m not trying to insult her, I’m trying to use language in a way that clearly conveys what level of idiocy and/or promiscuity I’m referring to) then, again, I understand. I do know about twenty teenagers (out of the 800~ i know) who are actually stupid enough to screw up their lives like that, so if you think your daughter is that kind of person, go for whatever you want.
My point is, you can’t just keep her in a cage, you have to trust her. Seeing the user “Instagram”‘s genitals is bad, yes, but is it worth invading her privacy, her freedom, and her will for?
JeffM
I’m 15 and you’re totally wrong about everything.
hightechdad
Thanks for your honest comments. There is a difference between being concerned and over-protective. It all depends on the relationship one has with their parents/kids. As I have stated before, this is similar to letting kids who are under 18 see R rated movies or not. It’s up to the parent to decide. Some kids are smarter than others (the same can be said about parents as well). I don’t advocate taking away things unless it is warranted – that is, the child has repeatedly broken the rules (and then something else might be going on). I am all about discussion and being open. Having a cell phone or computer is a privilege, in my opinion…just like having a curfew. Rules are put in place for a reason and it is about respect as well as trust. But you cannot just put rules up without enforcing them, otherwise you lose your creditability.
Milly
As a 16 year old girl, I have my two cents to put in on the topic. Reading through the comments, I noticed arguments were flying, some more thought out than others. Kik the actual app is a fabulous concept. I say this because the conecept is for people to be able to text/send pictures for free over the Internet. That is all it was intended for. However, you get the bad apples who use it for….darker…intentions. While this is a major downside to the app, we simply cannot think that sending nudes or sexting is what the apps sole purpose is.
I do use kik as a way to keep up with a friend of mine in England as texting through mobile number costs would be astronomical, and letters take weeks. I do not post my kik username, and I do not connect my contacts to the app (you can reject/restrict the app from accessing your contacts). The only personal thing about my kik is the picture and my first name (which is relatively generic).
Now, my biggest concern is the parents who are on here acting like they should have the rights to go through their kids stuff. While legally, you do, I would be shocked, appalled and (for a lack of a better word) extremely pissed off if my parents snooped around. If my parents came to me, and asked, I would be open and tell them what they wanted to know. I’m not saying I tell my parents every minor detail (do they really need to know I think my lab partner in chemistry is hot? I think not.), but I am saying that if I felt seduced, preyed upon, or just plain uncomfortable, I would let them know. Simple as that.
Enna
I’m a 15-year-old, and have KIK. Honestly, I have zero trouble with pervs and creeps because I never give out my username on websites, especially those that have little to no privacy. My mum actually isn’t aware of the dangers of the dark side of this app, but she also has one and we text regularly with it. ((I actually had to tell her that she shouldn’t put up a photo of herself)) I believe that all websites/apps are safe to an extent if you know what to do and what not to do. Like, it’s not a good idea to advertise your KIK name on Instagram, Skype, Facebook, Tumblr, and any other social networking sites. Neither is making your profile picture provoking. I suppose all you need is a level head and common sense. My mother is quite overbearing and gets suspicious quite easily, and I do have to hide some things but they are never bad, just a bit uncomfortable to reveal. (On my phone, that is) I myself am allowed my own iPad and have a password on it that only I can bypass, which I’m thankful for. Privacy is important, even from parents. I’m a teen after all and I think that if people my age, younger and older, could all be a bit more cautious this whole thing would be much less of a problem. (Sorry, this was probably stupidly written and off topic oops)
Merp
White people are so sensitive -.-